


We're On Our Own

by Risus_cladis



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-08
Updated: 2013-08-04
Packaged: 2017-12-18 02:48:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/874795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Risus_cladis/pseuds/Risus_cladis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She managed to escape the library, she doesn’t remember how, but she did.  She tried her hardest to get in contact with him, her doctor, but he never answered her.  She was alone now, living her life without her doctor, the only thing left of him was growing in her belly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The whole her escaping takes place after TNOTD, about a month or so. The current story takes place around five years after TNOTD. Also, I wrote it as if the doctor isn’t regenerating soon, so yeah.
> 
> Also, this is my first fanfic, so please be nice!

As the sun poured in through the window, the room began to fill with light. River turned over, trying her best to hide from it by burying her head under the blankets. Admitting defeat to the coming morning, she let out a heavy sigh and threw off the white blanket (that was of no use in shielding her from the bright rays). She had looked over at the clock, it read 8:04 AM, which wasn’t to horrible. After escaping from the library, and after she had given up finding her doctor, she had settled down in a nice house, big enough for two, right outside the city of NNN York. She had acquired a teaching position at one of the nearby colleges, teaching History of Time and Traveling it (god knows she knew enough about that). She had been there almost four years now, starting up soon after the birth of her daughter, Astra.

It was saturday, which meant a mommy daughter day, which also meant she didn’t have to get dressed right away. She slid out of the bed in her tank-top and underwear and made her way to the bathroom down the hall. She looked in the mirror, pulling at her face a bit. It was nice, not aging on the outside. Since she was human+, and her body was given to her through regeneration, it didn’t age like normal humans did, it aged much slower. She then made her way over to her daughters room, ever so carefully peeking in to make sure she didn’t wake her. Astra was still sound asleep, curled up with their dog, Doc. 

Making her way into the kitchen now, she flipped on the coffee pot, she would need a hell of a lot of coffee (or something stronger later on) to deal with today. Looking over at the calendar which read June 7th, her stomach started to churn. The only reason she snapped out of her thoughts was because the coffee pot started beeping, signaling that it was finished up. She grabbed a cup and pour it, black with one sugar, then walked over to the couch and flipped on the tele. 

Even though she was watching the news, her thoughts were elsewhere. It was exactly five years to the day from the last time she saw him in the library. Sure, she saw him when she was still programmed into CAL, but that didn’t count. She wasn’t even sure how long she was in CAL, time worked different there, she could have been there for over a hundred years for all she knew. She had gotten used to living without the man she loved, her husband, but it still hurt thinking about him. When Astra was born, it hurt to look at her at times, knowing that eventually she’d have to tell her why her father wasn’t around, who he was: just thinking about it made her want to throw up. 

Over the past five years she had learned how to numb the pain of loosing him, she couldn’t be an emotional mess, she had someone else to take care of now. Besides, no matter how much it hurt to think about, he had probably already moved on, not giving her a second thought. She knew that he traveled, and with other girls too, younger ones, prettier ones. She rolled her eyes at the though, but really it still hurt, like being stung by a bee: you can pull the stinger out, but the mark will still be there, along with the pain. 

She was snapped out of her thoughts yet again by a noise, but this time it wasn’t the coffee pot alerting her that her survival juice was ready, no, this was a noise she hadn’t heard in a long while. River jumped to her feet and ran to the back door, pausing before opening it. Could it really be him? And which him was it? There was only one way to find out, so she turned the knob and pulled the door open. 

The TARDIS stood about twenty feet from her, just sitting there. It actually took her a second to catch her breath, she had to pinch herself to made sure she was actually seeing this. And then those doors opened, and he stepped out. He looked as amazing as ever, “Hi honey, I’m home” he smiled at her, fixing his bow tie.


	2. Chapter 2

He had gotten her message, that she escaped (no thanks to him, not that she wrote that, but he certainly thought it). How could she have escaped? It didn’t matter, that much at least, it was just important that she did. It had been about a month after he had seen her on Trenzalore when he got her message. He went right away even though, well, he was still hurt. He had just said goodbye to his wife, it wasn’t fair, she couldn’t make him say goodbye to her and then just pop back up a month later. He had dropped Clara off after Trenzalore and never saw her again, he had been traveling alone ever since. He had set the coordinates to when she sent him the message and off he was.

They landed with a ‘thunk’ on the ground. He ran over to the single mirror he had in the console area of the TARDIS and fixed his hair. He wasn’t one to care about how he looked, but it was River, his wife, he cared what she thought. He reached for the door knob, but he hesitated, letting it go. He shut his eyes tight, took in a deep breath, he couldn’t get emotional, he couldn’t break down upon seeing her; he was The Doctor, he had to seem strong to everyone, but River wasn’t everyone. Exhaling, he turned the knob and stepped out.

There she was, just as beautiful as ever, wearing a tank top and underwear (very sexy, but now probably wasn’t the time for that). He wanted to run over to her, no, he had to stay there, play it cool. He hated getting hurt, he hid his emotions from everyone because he was so afraid of getting hurt. Then he let her in, he let River in, he loved her, and he married her, but in the end she broke his heart too. He wasn’t going to let that happen again, “Hi honey,” his voice cracked, oh god he hoped she didn’t hear that, “I’m home” he throw up his bravest smile, nervously fixing his bow tie.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” she asked him angrily, biting back the tears. He wasn’t allowed to march back into her life, their life, after five years. He made his way over to her, stopping until he was directly in front of her. He had to see that her eyes were filled with tears, only an idiot wouldn’t be able to see how upset she was. She decided that she was going to yell at him, give him a piece of her mind, then send him flying back from wherever he came. Her hand was clenching the door, she was biting her lip, her eyes were fixed on his bow tie unable to meet his gaze. He reached out and tilted her chin up to meet his eyes; that was all it took for her plan to go out the window. Her arms wrapped around him, burying her face in his shoulder, trying to keep her sobs as quiet as possible. He buried his face in her hair, running his hand up and down her spine; he had to be the strong one here. 

After ten minutes of crying, she managed to pull herself together and offered for him to come inside, “If you want,” she pointed at the coffee machine as she wiped her eyes with her hands, “The coffee is fresh. I just have to check on someone, I mean something.” Walking down the hall to Astra’s room, she peeked in to make sure that all the noise hadn’t woken her up: it hadn’t. 

When she walked back to the kitchen, she saw that he had made himself more comfortable: stripping off his jacket and shoes. He was looking around the room, particularly at a picture of her and Astra, “That’s a student of mine...” she peeped up, startling him a bit. She wasn’t sure she wanted to tell him about their daughter, not yet at least. 

“She’s a cutie, eh?” he smiled at her. He knew something was bothering her, he just couldn’t figure out what it was. She walked over and sat down at the kitchen table, wrapping her hands around her cup of coffee, her eyes fixed on him now. 

“Why?” she asked him, a bit of annoyance came through as she asked, only puzzling him more.

“Why what?”  
 “Why did you come back? It’s been five years..” 

“Five years?!” he asked, a bit loudly. He had been off on his landing, he had left his wife alone for five years, so that was why she was mad! His heart began to race: he had left his wife alone for five year. Five years. Five. Years. He knelt down on the ground, cupping her face between his hands, rubbing her cheek with his thumb, “River, I’m so so sorry. I didn’t know..I didn’t mean to..” he apologized. He knew that she didn’t want to hear an explanation, but he had to give her one, he felt horrid, “I thought that I set the time for when I got your messages..oh River...”

“But you didn’t.” She added, rather sternly. She tried to keep herself together, but the way he was looking at her, saying her name..she started to cry again, only a bit though, only two or three tears were able to break through, then she closed the space and went back to leaning in his shoulder, “Oh shit, you’re shirt, I’m sorry, I keep getting it wet..” she apologized, even though she continued to cry into it. He went back to stroking her back with his one hand, lifting her chin with his other. He wiped the tears off of her eyes, then kissed her. 

Things escalated quickly, the next thing she knew she was sitting on the table, his hand was running up her shirt, cupping her breast, breaking away from her lips for only for a second to whisper in her ear, “I love you, I’m so sorry.”. As his one hand worked her breast, the other slipped into her knickers. Their kisses were desperate, it was as if if one of them stopped, they’d loose each other again. 

“Mummy..?” a little voice peeped up from behind. River quickly pushed The Doctor off of her, spinning around to see Astra with Doc hiding behind her. She looked back at him, his face filled with confusion, but she’d have to explain later.

“Sweetie, what are you doing up?” River asked, walking over to Astra and picking her up in her arms, then kissing her on her forehead.

“Doc woke me up, who’s that?” she asked, staring at the Doctor intently. For being four, she was smart.

“He’s a friend of mummy’s, why don’t you play with Doc outside? I’ll come get you when we’re done talking. Maybe we can watch some films later, make sundays?” the smile on Astra’s face was all the confirmation that she needed. She set her down and watched as she brought the dog outside to play. Her eyes went back to him then, biting her lip, unsure what to say.

“River, why did you lie to me? You said..you said she was your student...” The Doctor asked, looking outside at the girl. That’s when it hit him. He grabbed the counter that was behind him, “River, how old is she?”

She let out a short huff, this wasn’t how she planned on breaking the news, “Four and a half”. There was no need to lie, what’s the worse he could do? Leave? He had already done that.

“River...” 

“Well what do you think?” she barked at him, hiding her tears away. No matter how badly she wanted to cry right then, she couldn’t, she wouldn’t dare let this man break her all over again, “And don’t you dare start saying things like ‘You should have told me’ because I tried pretty damn hard!” she screamed, all the anger she had bottled up over not finding him was coming out, “I tried so hard to find you, and you wouldn’t answer! You didn’t even care! Why do you need me when you can be off shagging some young girl who’s twice as beautiful as me!” 

At that comment, The Doctor’s face turned serious, he took a few steps forward so that he had cornered River, “Don’t you dare.”

“What? It’s true! You just forgot about me, you left me like a book, I had to chase you around just to get a goodbye!” 

“Because it hurt to mu-”

“Fuck you! It hurt me too!” River yelled back, cutting him off. The room turned silent. Her face was wet from the tears that had broken free while they were yelling, and as she looked up at her husbands face, she saw that his too was wet from tears. She took in a deep breath, “Do you know how much it hurt when you told me you could see me? Knowing that you could have turned to me, at anytime, and acknowledged me; but you didn’t. I love you so much my love, and I know that everything you do, you do it with good intention, but,” she closed the bit of space that was between them, reaching up and taking his face in her hands, “It hurts feeling like you don’t love me. You don’t love...us.”


	3. Chapter 3

“River..” The Doctor started, but she wasn’t having any of it. She dropped her hands from his face, her eyes shifted to look out the back window at Astra (who was inspecting the TARDIS). She meant far to much to her to let her get hurt, to have her being looped into his like she had been. It wasn’t fair to give her her father only to have him leave and not come back till god knows when. 

River took in a deep breath, “You could make me, us, so god damn happy my love..” she worked up the courage to meet his eyes again, relieved to see that his too were still full of tears, “But you can break us just as easily. You’ve already broken me, but her,” she swallowed hard, taking another look out the window at the young girl who had now moved onto playing with Doc, “There is no way in hell I’m letting you break her. You can shatter my heart all you want, but you will not even so much as leave a scratch on hers, do you understand?”

As each word came out of River’s mouth, his heart just crumbled more and more. It took all that he had to nod his head to show her he understood. He had never seen River this cross, well, with him anyways, and he was hoping he’d never have to again. Just seeing her there, crying, trying so hard to see strong, and he knew he was all to blame. He wasn’t allowed to cry, no, but if he said anything he knew he’d be threatening that. 

River still stood cornered by her husband, her eyes still fixed on his. Finally, she broke the stare, reaching up and wiping away the tears from her eyes, “Now, that said..” she took another deep breath, “She is your daughter, I have no right to forbid you from seeing her, but you do it under my circumstances. She is not to know that you are her father; when the time is right, if there ever is a right time, I will tell her how I please. Am I clear?” she asked, not as angry anymore. He nodded, still not sure that he was able to use words, “Good, now then, would you like to meet her?”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to get up :c I was just in a rut, but the next chapter should be up quick!  
> Thanks to all those who read it!  
> Comments and kudos are appreciates (:

It was incredible how well he got along with Astra. She had lead him outside to her, their daughter and the dog, “Sweetie, mummy has to run out to the store real quick, pick up some items for dinner tonight. Is it alright if you stay with my friend?” she could see the uncertainty in her daughters eyes, scanning the tall man next to her. 

“Hello there,” he smiled at her, squatting down to her height, “My name is John Smith, but you can call me John” he offered her a comforting smile, which thankfully she returned.

She took a step towards him, reaching out and tugging lightly on his bow-tie, “Why do you wear this? It looks old. You’re not old are you?” 

“Well, bow-ties are cool,” he smiled, fixing the bow-tie as he leaned in closer to the young girl, “Can I tell you a secret? You can’t tell anyone, promise?”

River could see her daughters eyes light up, she loved hearing secrets. She used to have to tell her one “secret” to get her to go to sleep, like a bedtime story. Most of the time they were tales she took with her husband. Astra never asked many questions on him, she seemed content with her mother telling her that he was no longer around, it was a simple enough answer, but she loved hearing their stories. Trips they had taken that no one knew about, days they spent together in the TARDIS alone (obviously she kept the tales G rated), and trips that they never took, the unfulfilled journeys that were supposed to be. She was happy that to her daughter her father was a man of love, excitement, and happiness; she wasn’t worried about the questions she knew would pop up later on in life.

“I promise” she smiled, holding out her pinky as the Doctor locked his with hers.

“I’m over a thousand years old” 

“I don’t believe you” she said rather bluntly, “You’d be dead, like Mr. Fish” 

“Well...alright. Can we still play together?”

“I guess” she shrugged, pulling him off towards the swing-set in the back corner of the yard. River knew he’d watch after Astra, lord knows what she’d do to him if she came back and she wasn’t in one piece. She headed back inside and made her way to her room to get changed. She threw on a pink wrap shirt and a pair of black capri yoga pants and a pair of trainers. She grabbed her wallet and keys from off the kitchen counter, sneaking one last look at the two playing outside. The Doctor was currently “dead” on the ground, Astra was stabbing him with a stick. Harmless enough. 

She peeked her head out the door and hollered over, “I’m heading out, I won’t be to long” she smiled at Astra, who was to busy with her stick sword. She locked eyes with the Doctor, she was happy that the two could bond, even if Astra didn’t know yet he was her father. Still, River’s eyes were filled with sadness looking at the man, she wasn’t sure how long it would take until that sadness wore off, but for now, it was there and it hurt like hell. 

\-----------------------------------

It took a bit longer at the grocer then she thought, she had picked up some salad items, shrimp, tomatoes, corn, onions, and a lemon; not many items but enough to allow her to browse the entire shop. She loaded the groceries into the car, then plopped into the drivers seat. Her phone went off as she was turning the key into the ignition. She pulled it out ‘Chet Michalson’ read on the screen, “Chet, how are you?” 

“Fine, fine, thank you for asking. Is there any way you could run down to the college real quick? One of your students is here doing a lab and, uh..” Chet was one of the janitors at the college, he wasn’t the brightest in the bunch but he was indeed the sweetest.

“Yeah, sure, not problem Chet, but who is the student?” she resisted her urge to sigh, she really would rather not go. If she sighed he probably would have caught on, probably offering to supervise the student, even though he hasn’t the slightest clue about anything time related. 

“Uh...Arnie?”

“Amy!” she heard the student’s voice echo from behind.

“Alright, let her do her thing and I’ll be right over” she clicked the phone off, burying her face in her hands. She dialed the home phone hoping that they were done playing outside.

“Yes, hello, uh, River’s house phone she is out-”

“Well obviously” her annoyance seeped through her tone, she bit her lip trying to hold it back, “Sorry, can you just let Astra know I’ll be later then I thought, I have to stop by work and help out a student, but I’ll be home for dinner still”

“Yes, sure, of course” he voice was rushed, River could hear Astra in the back telling him to hurry up.

“How is she?”

“She’s..she’s lovely, really” She had to bite her lip again, this time to hold back her emotions. Just sensing the warmth in his voice talking about their daughter was a lot, it meant a lot.

“Great” her voice cracked, “Well, uh, I have to go then” she quickly ended the call, wiping the single tear that lay on the verge of her eyes.

\-----------------------------------

Nothing blew up. That was always a good sign. Amy’s lab went well, she was working on her midterm on the properties of time and space, making visual representations. River finally pulled up to the house around five o’clock, she could see the flickering of the tele on inside. With groceries in hand she made her way inside, “Hello, hello” she smiled, kissing her daughter on the head as she walked by, “I’m sorry sweetie, Amy needed my help at the school” explaining as she started laying out the food for dinner.

“Did you give her my gift?!” Astra yelled from the living room.

“Yes, and she loved it! You’ll see her soon enough darling. Why don’t you help me with dinner?” she heard her small feet scurrying towards the kitchen, followed by larger steps. 

“Who’s Amy?” a quizzical look showed on the Doctor’s face. He had undressed a bit, his jacket was off, his overalls were pulled off and dangled down his thighs, his shoes were kicked off, and his hair was a bit of a mess. 

“She’s my babysitter” Astra answered before River could even open her mouth, “And mummy’s student”

“Sweetie, come on, go wash your hands” River shooed her daughter to the bathroom as she started cutting the veggies.

“Do you need any help?” The Doctor asked after a moment of silence. River peeked over, he was leaning against the doorframe just watching her. 

“No, I’m fine” she snapped, quickly turning away and giving her attention back to the vegetables. Her mind was cluttered though, her feelings were at war: part of her wanted to just run over to him and snog his senseless, his arms wrapped around her and never wanting to leave them again; the other part wanted to stay as far away from him as she could, she wanted to keep herself from getting hurt like that again. In her cluttered thoughts her mind wandered, accidentally cutting her finger on the knife, “Shit” she muttered, examining it. It was a good one, probably not good enough for stitches though, well, she wasn’t going to get them regardless. She quickly threw the finger in her mouth, trying to stop the bleeding.

In the blink of an eye he was in front of her, “You okay? Let me see it” He reached over and grabbed some paper towels as she pulled her finger out of her mouth, “Buggar you got a nice one. Where are your bandaids?” he asked, wrapping the paper towels around the cut.

“Bathroom”

Off he went, finding Astra playing in the sink with the soap, “Are you supposed to be doing that?”

“I’m washing my hands!” it was a rather good defense, there was soap and water, and they were on her hands.

He shook off the thought, “Where are your bandaids?”

She pointed at the cabinet next to her, the soap dripping off her finger into the sink, “Is mummy okay?”

“Just a little cut, she’s fine, now you finish washing up” he smiled, booping her nose.

He made his way back to River, who was now poking at the cut that she washed, “Don’t touch it, you’ll make it worse” he scolded her as he wrapped the bandage around it, then lifted it to his lips and placed a small kiss on it, “There, all better” he offered a half smile at her, locking his eyes on hers. 

She held eye contact as long as she could, breaking away finally muttering a small, “Thanks”

The Doctor took over the rest of the cooking while Astra brought him over the ingredients and River told him what to do, watching the father and daughter work together. They made shrimp stir fry with some salad on the side.

\-----------------------------------

By nine o’clock Astra was passed out, after dinner River played with her while the Doctor cleaned up (he had pressed, and even after she said no seven times he just started washing the dishes and tuned her out “You can’t get dirty yucky stuff in your cut”), then watched a bit of tele all together. Astra had fallen asleep sometime during the show, River carried her to her room, kissed her goodnight, then closed her door.

She found him hanging about the kitchen, wiping up whatever he missed earlier, “Thanks, for cleaning up”

“Yeah, no, it’s no problem”

It was silent for a little while, River kicked at the floor while he picked at an invisible patch of dirt, River was the one to break the silence, “I’m exhausted, I think I’m going to head off to bed..”

“Oh..right...you’ve had a long day...”

“Do you want to stay?” It just came out, she didn’t mean it to but it did. She bit her lip, this was it, this was her going out on a limb. He could either take it and show her maybe she could one day be with him again, or he could snap it and assure her that staying away from his was the right choice.

“I..I mean, yes, please, if you want me to” he fumbled over his words, a bit shocked she even asked. 

She loosened, not even realizing how tightly she had been squeezing herself, giving him a small nod, “I mean, I asked, didn’t I?” with that she lead him back to her room.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Told ya it'd be fast! One more chapter left!!  
> Thanks for everyone who reads (:

He could see himself in her, and he could see River too. The girl was absolutely amazing, a beautiful, she obviously took her looks from her mother. They played for an hour when River called, she sounded so cold to him, it was like a dagger in his chest. He understood she was upset with him, he just didn’t know how he could fix it. Time, that seemed the only way, and he was going to show her that he could fix this, he wanted to fix this. 

“Do you know who my daddy is?” Astra asked him as they ate some grilled cheese sandwiches the Doctor had whipped up for them for lunch.

The question caught him off guard, “Uh, well, I’ve heard of him-”

“I’ve heard of him too” she adds, taking a bite of her sandwich.

“You have? What have you heard?” It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to him that River had mentioned him to Astra, but he was curious as to what she told her.

“He was awesome, and he loved mummy a lot. They traveled together, mummy said that’s how they met,” she nodded, assuring him it was all true, “I know mummy loves him, but we don’t talk about him, which is why I asked you. I don’t want to hurt mummy by asking her things that make her sad.” 

“What happened to him?” 

“He died, I think, mummy says he isn’t with us anymore, that’s what people say when they don’t want to tell you someone died” she continued eating her sandwich, seeming content with the conversation, unlike him. It hurt when Astra explained she couldn’t ask about him because it hurt River to much to talk about, it was all his fault. He absently ate his sandwich, his train of thought was broken by Astra, “Can we play dinosaurs?”

He ruffled her hair, curly like River’s, “I love dinosaurs, dinosaurs are cool, where do you want to play?” They played pretend dinosaurs for an hour, then had a tea party, and finally threw on some movie that she assured him would be ‘super super great’. As the movie ended River walked in, kissing Astra, skipping right over him. He couldn’t help but make a sour face, more at himself then River. He followed Astra into the kitchen, his heart skipped when she left, finally giving them another quick chance to talk. It didn’t happen. She even shot down his offer to help her cook. He was able to play doctor though, when she cut her finger, and he even worked up the courage to kiss it after he bandaged it. It still seemed like this coldness was a forever thing, well, a very long state. Would she ever forgive him? After all, he did leave her for five years, but that wasn’t all his fault! He was aiming for the first week, it just over shot! But he had waited, he waited after he knew she was out, and he didn’t talk to her when he could have. 

It was a lovely dinner, and after he cleaned up the kitchen (which River was not to happy about), they all hung out and watched some tele. After Astra fell asleep River collected her up and carried her to her room. Alright, another opportunity to talk. He made his way to the kitchen, finding whatever he missed in his first round of cleaning and cleaning it off now. When she came into the kitchen his hearts stopped, she looked exhausted, she looked beautiful. Then she asked if he’d stay and they stopped again. Should he? He wanted to, he needed to, he needed to be as close as she’d let him, and then some. Honestly he was caught off guard, maybe the coldness was starting to fade?

They made their way to the bedroom, he shut the door behind them, “Umh, well, I have a tshirt you can wear or..” River rummaged through her clothes, obviously she didn’t have men over from her lack of male clothing.

“I’m fine, really” he offered a smile back at her, and he swore she saw one creeping in on the corners of her lips too. She had turned around to change, shimming out of her yoga pants and pulled her shirt over her head. It was silly, really, that she turned around, but it was a dagger for him none the less. It showed how little she trusted him now, her own husband, she won’t even be exposed around him. She slid on a pair of shorts, and kept the tank top she had under her shirt on. His eyes never left her body as she changed, snapping out of her trance only when she turns around to face him, “Right, uh, changing” his cheeks get red, caught in the act. As River slides into the bed, he pulls off his pants and shirt, sleeping in his boxers isn’t that abnormal. He slides in next to her but her back is towards him. He reaches up, turning off the light, engulfing them in darkness. As his eyes adjust, he can see her figure in the dark, her curves outline from under the blanket. 

“River?” he breaks the silence, maybe they can talk now.

“What?” she asked, a sigh following. She can tell from his lack of response that something is wrong, she flips over so that she is facing him. His eyes are big, really big, and he’s biting his lip, “What’s wrong?” Thoughts flash through her head, does he not like Astra? Is he going to leave? Oh shit, she was over thinking and she was going to get herself worked up, and that was especially easy when she was tired, and she was exhausted. Nothing she thought up was what he asked, and it catches her off guard.

“Do you hate me?” he asked, genuine concern leaks through his voice. 

She’s quiet for a moment, then grabs his hands and tangles her fingers in his, “No, I’m just still sad”

“You know I love you, right?” he squeezes her hands a bit, moving one of his up to her face, his thumb starts to rub her cheek when he feels dampness on her cheek. She’s so strong, but even the strongest ships can crack. 

“Of course I do, but...” she starts, “But sometimes I think that it’ll just fade away, you’ll miss your adventures and why would you want to stay with me when the whole universe is there for you. Let’s face it, you will never stop traveling and saving lives, you can’t, and I wouldn’t allow it. You’ll continue your traveling after I’m long gone, and we’ll be just another mention of a time long long ago to your new traveling assistant” there’s no more tears, her voice doesn’t crack, it’s a simple matter of fact answer, and that’s what worries him. 

“You don’t understand...you, you’re better then that. It won’t just fade, you’re not just some story, you’re a rather important story, and one that isn’t done yet and nor is it close to finishing” he leaned over and kissed her lightly on the head, peeking down at her eyes for approval. He had to move cautiously, their relationship was on thin ice, the smallest thing could crack it and send her back to treating him like he meant nothing to her. He pulled her close to him, turning her so her back was tucked into his chest. His arms wrapped around her, taking her hands in his. He buried his nose in her hair, planting a kiss on her head, “I can travel and be your husband, and we can travel as a family too. I promise you I mean this, I love you, and I love her, and I’ll prove it. I’ll prove it to you, I’ll be here, always, if you want. One day at a time,” he felt her whole body relax more and more with each word, “Go to sleep, I’ll be here in the morning, we’ll talk some more if you want then” she was asleep by his last word. He could get used to this, cuddling with his wife, his daughter down the hall, and a dog (although the dog didn’t seem to like him much, seeing as he took his spot on the bed). He liked family, and he hadn’t had a real one of his own in a long while. With that thought, the sound of River’s breathing made his eyelids heavy. Timelords didn’t need sleep, but every one in a while he allowed himself to, just for fun, and what better way to sleep then with River curled up with him.


End file.
